Pencil Portraits Drawn From Photos - Pencil Portrait Artist Darla Dixon

My brother suggested I start writing some books - he thinks I could be a modern Erma Bombeck. He must be right - after all, he's my older brother! :-)

I have all the perfect material right here every day. The only 'difference' is that Erma's kids were complaining that they couldn't find any bell-bottoms to wear to school and my kids complain that they can't find any clean flares to wear to school. That's right, same stuff, just different names and different decades!

I think I have an idea why Erma started writing. It was a way of expressing her frustration in dealing with the often unappreciative children and husband. It was probably a way of keeping herself sane, finding the humor in the everyday, and there's nothing wrong with that. I can't remember how many kids she had...I think it was three. I have four. I think Erma Bombeck was probably a much cooler, patient mom than I am. Probably getting her thoughts out kept her from screaming at them.

It is interesting being a mom myself, after reading all those Erma Bombeck books when I was younger! I remember reading "If Life Is Just a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits?" and "The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank," among others. There is so much truth in those books.

I want to write these books:
(the following are geared for parents of toddlers)

"Play-Dough STAYS In the Kitchen!"
"We Only Draw on Paper!"
"Please Don't Eat the Dog Food" (in homage to Jean Kerr's Please Don't Eat the Daisies)
"Big Boys Go Potty On the Toilet, Not In Their Pants"
"Apples Aren't Balls"

The following are geared for parents of pre-teens:

"Don't Leave Cereal Bowls on the Floor"
"Wet Towels Don't Go In the Closet"
"Where Did You Use It Last?"
"Whose Shoes Did I Just Trip On?"
"Underwear Shouldn't Stand Up"

Finally, this one applies to parents of children in all age brackets:

"Can I PLEASE Go To the Bathroom Alone?"

I'll be on the Home Shopping Network someday, hawking my books. You will be able to recognize me easily. I'll the the one in the white strait-jacket.